opening night.

tonight. we open. after tonight i can finally use my brain to think about other things besides the show. and yes, we have 5 performances this weekend. doesnt matter. i will have it down and wont have to use all of my brain power to figure out how to make things happen. i can just do them. (whew)
anyway, wrote this last night:

twitch of the nose. a smell detected. still dreaming, but olfactory attention has been hijacked by a new scent. pulled up from the deep by the wonder of what this smell could mean, half awake, quizzical and bemused. there is something familiar about this odor, but what? an image of it almost came clear in dream state, but now only its shadow lurks at the corners of consciousness. how frustrating. a thought left unthunk. a friend left unrecognized. an image only half-seen as if still only sketched out, the movement and line and mood portrayed but not the substance. here in waking life, where only the memory of the smell remains, one is left to reminisce over something not remembered, long for reunion with someone never met, become nostalgic for a time that has never been. if in the right frame of mind, the scent could bring back a whole history--an epic tale of life in dreamworld where memories from other lives pass over into this, where there is always a now worth attending to but the now prior and the now following are not necessarily connected (unless you need them to be), and here and there can be interminable distances apart or barely distinguishable from one another.
bright eyes open and then, it comes. here and now, brought up short against waking, recognition for the first time. the smell of one only met unconsciously--you, my mirror me, you, self of myself. you.