nothing fits, but 'he' works just fine.
yes, im genderqueer. yes, being seen as a man is a little weird and not really what im going for. yes, there are people who have known me as 'she' for a really long time.
however, getting introduced to someone new, i usually prefer them to think of me as at least somewhat masculine and using the word 'she' to describe me to them is not going to do that. at this point it mostly just confuses them. and at this point, i feel like i should be the one who makes the decision about letting someone know certain things about me.
honestly, between friends, i dont care what you say. around other people, however, it feels weird to have them interact with me as they see me and then have you say something that makes them have to reassess everything about me in their heads.
cuz thats what happens. thats always what happens, and whether we feel like thats fair or not doesnt matter. whether we wish that wasnt the case wont change how i have to be treated from the moment of reassessment on.
and its going to happen anyway, my life is full of these moments. every day. but having control of when (if i can get it) feels really important. as in, its nice to have someone see me for who i am now for a little while before they start thinking about who i once was.
my queer peops understand this fully, i know. this isnt directed at you, cuz you have worked to figure out how to be sensitive around this exact thing. and my non-queer peops, especially those who have known me for a long time, i hope you hear this not as me being upset and reprimanding you, just trying to lay out my feelings for you so you know what happens on my end. its a complex situation. i know. and i dont get upset if you say something that doesnt feel quite comfortable, cuz i know its hard to adjust. but i wrote this just so you know where i stand right now.
(so fyi: when when you use 'she' about me to that cute girl ive been flirting with, thats gonna feel a bit like a cock block. and i wish i could describe better why that is true.) instead ill just tell you that i love you and i appreciate that you love me for who i am, who i was and who i will be. i promise i do the same for you, always.