Friday, November 12, 2010

i need some space.

dear blog,
i love you. these past two weeks with you have been amazing. but i cant spend as much time with you each day as i have been. >1500 words a post is too intense for our relationship right now. i need to take it slower. i have a lot on my plate at the moment. my brain cant keep up with the amount of organization i need at my fingertips in order to be a stage manager right now. so when i get home, i just want to do the crossword puzzle and not have to engage in really cerebral, thought-provoking monologue. and i know you would like it if i just got up earlier and had more time with you in the morning, and i have progressively been getting up an hour earlier each day but still we get so involved that i lose track of time and have almost been late to rehearsal twice in a row now.
if you arent going to set any boundaries, i will have to. cuz you know i love our nights together. i have so much fun getting really deep into what we are doing that i forget to go to sleep. we have been up till 3 or 4 a few times since we started getting hot and heavy and tho that was great in october when i didnt have to get up for anything, now it means im losing sleep. and a sleep-deprived stage manager is worse than none at all. you know i have these other commitments that are really important to me, please dont make me feel bad when i choose to honor them.
you know how i feel about you. you know i love spending hours and hours with you. you know i would tell you anything. this isnt about you, or how i feel about you. this is about what i am physically capable of right now. and right this exact moment i have had two very stiff whiskey gingers and ate a bunch of vegan chili and am really sleepy and i still havent written the daily email to the production team about rehearsal today. and we have to move the table for the set tomorrow, bright and early...
oh no.
please dont do this to me, baby. i cant stand it when you are mad at me. we can still see each other everyday, i just need you to not have such high expectations of me right now. ill get there. i want this relationship to work. i want us to be a long-term thing. and this isnt me stepping away, just stepping back for a bit. till things get less intense with work. not long, i promise. and any free time i have, darlin, its yours. all yours.

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