again, by heart.

multiple things in the past couple days have inspired and motivated me to finally, really, actually blog. and not just put things ive written up in this space once in a while, but actually post with frequency, even regularity.
one thing was watching joseph gordon-levitt sing on youtube, (i know, i know) because it reminded me of just needing to put yourself out there, and because it brought me to this totally awesome website. which kinda seems amazing as a community and collaborative outlet. please check it out, if only for the short movie 'morgan and destiny's eleventeenth date: the zepplin zoo.' its pretty marvellous.
another thing was watching nowhere boy which i knew i needed to see, despite whether it was good or not, simply to reconnect with my idol from when i was thirteen. it did that. i dont think i agree with the review of the movie in this weeks new yorker but thinking back on it now, it wasnt a particularly good film. it was, however, a portrait of a passionate teenage boy who needed to step out of his life and into his art. and it did, thankfully, remind me of myself as a passionate teenage tomboy with nowhere to put my artistic energy. cuz it made me realize ive been feeling that way for all the years since then and its time i stopped pretending im not a writer.
cuz the thing about being a writer is that its actually a really lonely art form. (hence my tendency towards performative, collaborative art forms like theatre and music) i was really lucky to spend the past three weeks alone in a house in order to write more. i ended up getting some work done, but mostly just spent the time pretending i wasnt a writer by pretending i wasnt alone and spending way too much time on facebook, youtube, hulu, gchat, and netflix. but this week joe and john helped me realize that if im gonna be on the internet that much trying to both express myself to others and find some sort of interaction to work off of, i should be doing it here. i should be putting my stuff up for people to respond to it. thats the reason i write anyway, to tell people stories and start a conversation. having one or two people im accountable to doesnt seem to do the trick. having an audience, making the act of writing into a performance, hopefully that will be the kick in the pants ive needed to get past the bullshit excuses im really good at making up and actually practice my art.
so heres the deal: for the month of november (nanowrimo) i vow, right now, in front of you all, that i will publish a blog post once a day. it might be something im interested in that day, it might be a snippet from something im working on, it might be anything, however it cant just be a link to something or an idea that only takes up the 420 characters allowed in a facebook status update. the point is to go beyond the more trivial ways of expressing myself i get caught up in and frustrated by on facebook, but with more community involvement than just my notebook. and yes, i realize that is what a blog was made for. i just havent ever figured out how to fully engage with it and have it work for me with actual regularity.
so here we are, blog. next month i will strive to be a writer with discipline, fella. i wanna be your steady date. i wanna hit record (or publish), and then hit it again. again, by heart.
keep me honest, folks. i need you.